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[25 Sep 2003|07:44pm] |
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"She talks to Angels" The black crows |
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Ok so the last update wasn't shit. And I need to update .Other than going out to play shows. I have stayed in my bunk most of the time and read a book or something. I think it's good for me and well it's not very hard to figure out the rest. Depression does alot of things to you. Anyway I was talking to my mother today and she suggested that I go to a therapist. Of course I laughed at the idea. Me go to a therapist yeah right. I have been through tougher shit than this and found my way out of it so eventually I will again. But I really am getting better at it I went out last night to a club and hung out with people I didn't even know I guess It was easy cause they couldn't judge me. cause they didn't know me. The best part about it was I didn't get back until late and by that time everyone was asleep. So I just snuck in quietly and went to my bunk. And that my freinds is whats going on with me lately. I think I will however invite my friend Giebal out for alittle while it's not to often you see freinds you haven't seen in awhile. And with that said.
St. Paul
Edit: And in ten days I will be one year older!
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[25 Sep 2003|06:44pm] |
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Hey. It's me Paul. I'm alive for those of you that care. I just didnt want to get overridden.
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| Venting..... |
[07 Sep 2003|11:10pm] |
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Dropkick Murphy's "Drinking for 11" |
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Has it ever seemed to you that when one bad thing happens it starts this chain reaction?
*looks at the boxes piled in the middle of his living room floor* It's weird being here again. Cindy got pissed at me cause she got to spend time here away from P.J. And I guess she thinks that I won't allow her to stay here. But she is however my sister so yeah I don't think I will do to well on my own right now as it is. So I am thinking of asking her to stay here with me. I don't want to be alone. I know things happen for a reason. But it's hard to face each day not knowing what that reason is. It gives you no sense of closure and you're stuck wondering and searching yourself for the answers. Like where you went wrong or screwed up. I guess I should have paid more attention and then I would have known something was wrong and he wasn't happy. I was just going through some rough shit and now it's made even worse. I have already lost two of the most important things to me. And I don't know exactly how I can jump over this hurdle thats in front of me. I don't even know where to begin. But I have made it on my own before and I guess I will have to suck it up and make it on my own again. I swear there is this steel wall building up around my heart and soon enough it will be so strong that no one will make it through ever again. I think that is the only way that I can handle things and not let them get so out of control. *picks up the box of invitations and sets them beside of him* What can I say about that so close but so fucking far away....*picks them up and throws them scattering them across the room*
Nothing lasts forever and we both know hearts can change
Funny thing is mine never did and I don't think mine ever will.
*clicks update button and walks away*
St. Paul
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[06 Sep 2003|11:10pm] |
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MEEEEEEEEEEE |
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*sings* B double E Double R + u n Beer runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
B double E Double R + u n Beer runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
All we need is a ten and a five and the keys to a car and a sober driver B double E Double R + u n Beer runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!
k me lyike tat sung.
Me lettere fer three days issssssssss 3
heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Offfff two du me gob byeeeeeeeeee
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[06 Sep 2003|12:14am] |
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Vendetta Red "Shatterday" |
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Depression has really set in. At first it felt like I couldn't feel anything that I was completely numb to it and then it all hit me. And I had to face it. I guess the reality of it never really set in. So now I have secluded myself. I don't know why I do that. It always happens when I get down. I know eventually I will move on but I mean it's just going to be hard for me. Like I have been told it takes time. But see I am lucky I have Billy here to help me through all of this. He is the reason I open my eyes in the morning.
But I am slowly making my way back into reality and figured it out reality bites!
St. Paul
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[30 Aug 2003|11:03pm] |
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Mad Caddies "drinking for 11" |
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Well I am excited we won A VMA. And I thought we weren't going to win anything. I have not been myself lately and most of the time I would go into it but this time I'm not I just don't feel like it. I know alot of people have noticed it. Anyway I think this is about all I can stand to write...
Later,
St. Paul
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[19 Aug 2003|10:41pm] |
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me humming from boredom |
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I think I now know how Billy felt when I left. It sucks being at home all alone. But someone had to take care of the small zoo we got going on around here. *laughs* So I stayed behind to walk the dogs and such. But they keep me company...And eat my socks expecially zero. I personally don't see why he likes my socks so much. I found out some intersting things about myself I can actually clean it was a big suprise to me. Yeah and I got to talk to Benji alittle bit earlier. Which is always good. Ok so anyway. I think I am going to go find something to do.
St. Paul
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| Ok so it's time for me to update.... |
[12 Aug 2003|10:50pm] |
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Mr. Big. "next to be with you" |
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I haven't done a serious update in quite sometime and I think it's time for it...I went to visit my folks for a couple days. I try to do it as often as I can since I have other things that occupy my time when I am busy and everything of that sort. I only stayed a couple of days I didn't want to leave Billy alone for too long. I feel guilty for leaving him at all. I guess I haven't because I haven't really had anything to complain about lately. Everthing has been going so well and I am glad that's the way it has been.
Just seems like things got alot better sonce I have been with Billy. It's like the whole world and all the problems in it just fade away. And there is nothing but me and him and all the happiness to go along with it. I don't know when I last felt that way. But it doesn't matter cause I feel that way now and I am happy and I know that tomorrow I will be happy and the next day after that. Because each day I wake up I know he will be right there beside me. And I like feeling secure enough to say that. And I know that most people can't be sure. But I am. Ok so now people will probably be pissed that I am updating about how happy I am but oh well. And I don't often let it show as much as I should. And now I am out....
Edit:( My quiz thinger o_0 )
Later,
St. Paul
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| I always wondered why I update.... |
[09 Aug 2003|01:56am] |
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cheerful |
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Me and Billy Talking |
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and then I remembered something very important...
I love Billy
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[08 Aug 2003|01:57am] |
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WHY?
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[07 Aug 2003|10:24pm] |
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*joyfully takes old cable modem outside and jumps on it laughing as it breaks*
I hope this new one works and won't kick me off all the time.
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[04 Aug 2003|01:29pm] |
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Chingy "Right Thurr" |
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There is alot of things I don't understand about people. For one they get mad cause people don't ask how they are when they get upset..And then in the same turn get pissed when someone gets mad at them for the same exact reason. Oh Well I guess I don't have to understand right. It doesn't matter to me anymore. I am just fucking glad I am not petty like that. I don't deal with people who say in a round about way for me to fuck off. Have balls and tell me to my face insted of being childish about it. I can handle it I am a big boy. I can be a nice person but I can be an asshole as well. I don't appreciate being told to watch my realationship by someone who doesn't know a thing about relationships because obviously if they did they wouldn't be in as much shit as they are in now.Anyway enough about things like that. Cause really I am not going to let people like that rent space in my head. *laughs* I know I am being bitchy again but oh well it's my journal right and not many people read it anyway. So I am not worried about it. And I was going to take a walk maybe go to the mall or something cause I am bored as hell. So I think I will do that now...
Later Peoples,
St. Paul
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[04 Aug 2003|01:15am] |
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Offspring "self esteem" |
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Ok so I am an asshole...Who didn't know that already.*laughs* Some shit went down and I am tired...I think I am going to sleep after this update.
Anyways on to happier subjects. Mandy is on her way to Md to see me and Billy. Before the fall rolls around and we are gone back on the road. I can't wait to be back on the road again. Less to deal with...Now see thats bad when it seems when your on tour there is less shit to deal with right. *laughs* Ok so to the few people who hate me haha I don't care...Blow it out your ass and spare me. Ok I am done...MUST GET SLEEP!
St. Paul
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[31 Jul 2003|10:50pm] |
So I went to visit my mom for awhile and I come back and so much has been going on. Benji and Tony congrats are in order for you two...So congrats. It was nice viviting mom execpt getting terrorized by my siblings. I wanted to come home so bad cause I missed Billy. I was going to invite him to come along but I doubted he would want to.
AnywaY I am tired I am home and yeah thats about it..
Later,
St. Paul
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[19 Jul 2003|10:58pm] |
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Metallica cd |
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Ok so I need to update....Well for starters. Benji Madden is my Pimp.*laughs* And I am Billy's little freaky man... And I am a total freak I swear. I went to the mall today to buy some clothes and I ended up buying gc merchandise... Now who in the world buys their own Merch.....No one. Anyways I thought I would sit here and babble about the first thing to pop up in my head....Well I am really just glad things are going so well with everyone right now. I just hope things stay this way for awhile. We could all use alittle less stress. Ok well I am done now.
St. Paul
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[16 Jul 2003|12:19am] |
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Faith no more "Epic" |
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SO I guess we are leaving Australia in two days. But I really don't want to its so peaceful here. But I guess I have too. And plus Mandy wanted me to see her new movie coming out FRIDAY! *laughs* I had to pimp it for her. Anyways...I am kinda down cause of what happened to that fan I guess I let things get to me too much. But I really do feel bad about that. Ok no emo stuff like that...I am supposed to be on a vacation and having fun. I just keep forgetting that.
( for Billy )
Ok I feel better now...*smiles* And now I am off....
Edit: I listened to this song and I love it sooo much *laughs* Even if it is a strange son I thought I would ahre it with you..
( Faith no more's Epic )
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| Well what we have here is a happy Pauly |
[11 Jul 2003|02:24am] |
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Extreme "More than words" |
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Well i finally got enough nerve tonight to ask what I have been wanting to ask Billy for awhile now. As most of you know we have been together for 4837894389148932 years now *laughs* Well maybe not that long but hey it feels like it and I wouldn't have it any other way. So tonight I asked him to share his life with me and he said yes......*a big smile appears on his face* I can't believe it and I couldn't be happier. I talked to a couple of friends I know and told them about it and everyone seems pretty excited about it. Boy am I excited I have never in my life been this happy. kfgjdsahgjkfahjgkf
I have to stop typing or I am going to burst I swear...
Billy I love you baby..Thank you for making me the happiest guy on earth...And with that said I am going to bed....
Night,
St. Paul
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